What a horrific week I've had. I've always been an anxious person. I get something in my head and make myself sick about it. I found a bunch of knots on Isaac's neck this weekend and took him to the Doctor on Tuesday. She wanted to run a blood test and check his white blood cell count, sugars, test for Mono, etc, which really threw me off. So, I literally made myself sick for 2 days until I heard from the Doctor today. Luckily, his tests came back good (we're still waiting on the Mono test). He's obviously just trying to fight something off and the Doctor thinks it's allergies.
Today, the kids play great once they get home. I take them both to Barnes and Noble to spend their gift cards from their Aunt and then I take them both to the grocery with me. They were great. I get home in time to get Ayla ready for gymnastics and she's fine until we get there. Then, she starts complaining about her belly hurting and cries until the Instructor tells her to come see me. She was shivering so bad but was cool as a cucumber. I really believed she felt bad. Now we're home and she's doing better although she says her belly does still hurt. I think she's tired and cranky and didn't want to do gymnastics.
For some reason, this week, I've been so depressed. When Ayla said she felt bad tonight, I almost just sat down and balled my eyes out right there. I feel like I'm tired and worried most of the time. And lonely..... I love my husband and children so much, but I really miss the great group of friends I had in South Carolina. I feel our lives moving on and away from each other and it makes me so sad. I know it's natural, but they were all such a safe place for me (once I weeded out a couple of bullies). I know I'll make new friends up here and I love being so close to my Mom. I know I will. In the meantime though, Matt works so much and Mom is taking care of Dad and Aunt Myra. I can't just call someone and say "you have coffee ready?" and go hang out for a little while and talk things through. Working part time helps, but some days I don't feel like I'm finding my niche there either. I love the job though and think the people I work with are great.
Anyway-so much for my self destructive behavior and pity party. I know I have a lot to be thankful for and I am so I don't really need to hear that from people. I think a lot of Moms feel the way I do at some point. Sometimes being a Mother is worrisome and lonely and tiresome and all-consuming. Only sometimes though and the other times totally make up for it. I feel better already by just putting it out there. It's snowing again and tomorrow is Friday. Thank God.
